


Miscalculations

by gruener_regen



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: John Watson Suicide, M/M, Post-Reichenbach, Reichenbach Feels, Sherlock Holmes Returns after Reichenbach
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-15
Updated: 2014-06-15
Packaged: 2018-02-04 19:37:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1790788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gruener_regen/pseuds/gruener_regen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He always expected a slight miscalculation, but this time he didn't expect the consequences.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Miscalculations

**Author's Note:**

> Like with every post-reichenbach fanfic I'd advise you to listen to Blood on the pavement while reading this. Expect some Reichenbach feels though.
> 
> Also this work was inspired by a drawing which was presumably done by the tumblr user yourebossy, whose page unfortunately doesn't exist anymore. You can still see it in this video though: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGZ1umOphUM

This time he had miscalculated. For once in his life he had ignored a factor which he had deemed unimportant. 

Sherlock Holmes had spent days in his mind palace calculating every single possible scenario on the rooftop of St. Bart’s bloody hospital. Every single plan Moriarty could have had. Mycroft and Molly had both had to watch out for the signs leading to one of the thirteen different operations which would be the sole one to end correctly and with Sherlock’s survival as well as the incarceration of Jim Moriarty.

One factor. One single factor and everything would have gone off as planned. But he had failed in foreseeing the oh-so foreseeable. 

Reactions.

In hindsight, Sherlock Holmes had come to the conclusion that Moriarty’s suicide had by no means been an extraordinarily surprising reaction. He had been a psychopath committed to just that with every cell of body. Moriarty’s death wish had become obvious through his lack of fear on the night at the pool. In addition his apparent inability to feel pain as well as the fact that Sherlock Holmes had been that tiny bit of distraction he had so desperately craved made it almost too logical. The consequence of knowing Sherlock would jump made Moriarty’s reaction as it had been, to be expected.

Nonetheless, Sherlock had been able to continue with the scenario “Lazarus”. Everyone had played their parts perfectly. Even John, who hadn’t even been in on it. 

But right there was his mistake in his careful calculations. He had known he might not ever speak to John Watson again. His tears had been real, his feelings true and his good-bye honest. Still, he hadn’t been prepared for John’s reaction. His eyes had been open, when John had felt his pulse. “Let me through please. I’m a Doctor. He’s my friend. Please, he’s my friend.”

_He’s my friend. ___

__Sherlock couldn’t stand it, that those would be the last words from John he’d ever hear. And that they’d be spoken with such grief. The words John had spoken at his grave weren’t much better._ _

__Sherlock had hoped to be able to return to John once Moriarty’s network was dismantled. Two years, eleven months and twelve days. He had calculated would be necessary. Then he could come back. It was only a small, a tiny miscalculation._ _

___One day longer, _he told himself. _John can hold out one day longer. _He thought the possibility that John had moved on was too great to be false.____ _ _

______This time he had miscalculated. He didn’t just wonder, he knew when he stood in front of 221B at quarter past three in the afternoon and the flat was illuminated from inside. John never left the lights on when it was broad daylight. The sun would suffice to engulf the whole flat. He wouldn’t even bother with the light in the morning and would most certainly never forget to turn it off. That was one of those weird habits of his._ _ _ _ _ _

______Sherlock ignored the fact that running up the stairs was illogical if he already knew that it had happened the evening before. Yet he stormed up the stairs and brought down the locked door with his left shoulder. 221B was never locked._ _ _ _ _ _

______His gaze flew over the flat, his and John’s chair bathed in both artificial light and the light of the sun. Sherlock felt his eyes water as he stormed to his bedroom. His door was open. His door was never open._ _ _ _ _ _

______Sherlock was about to step inside, when he heard the splash of a puddle by his feet. As he slowly tilted his head downwards, he drew his breath with a hiss. He knew without checking that the bathroom door would be locked as well. John worried too much about Mrs. Hudson’s wellbeing._ _ _ _ _ _

______Without thinking, he took a step backward and rammed his shoulder into the door, the old lock giving in under his weight. Sherlock stumbled and fell on hands and knees, his tears flowing freely as his jeans got soaked with the red tainted fluid._ _ _ _ _ _

______Sherlock looked up, staring into his eyes. John’s eyes. Cold and motionless, his skin fair and his arms spread out. Sherlock stripped himself of his coat and crawled forward, taking John by his shoulders and pulling him closer, pushing him forward as he slipped into the tub behind him. New waves of red splashed onto the floor._ _ _ _ _ _

______“John.” He whispered, holding his friend from behind._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Please, John.” He planted kisses on the blond shock of hair and pressed both their cheeks together. Rocking back, forth, back, forth._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’m alive John.”_ _ _ _ _ _

_______Wake up, John! ____ _ _ _ _ _

________“I’m here, I’m right here.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Don’t let this happen, John. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“God please, forgive me, John.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________I love you, John. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


End file.
